... where does that leave the rest of us?

since i first learned the value of money, i became a fiend for new, materialistic things. i would always look for bargains and buy the most interesting objects, or as i called them in my youth, the "coolest" new things. i am one of the most masculine men on the face of this great planet. i am in a class with the likes of Teddy Roosevelt, Walt Disney, Sir Francis Drake, and a man simply known by the moniker Ike. due to this previously established fact, my joy of shopping has no homosexual roots, even though today many people who enjoy being frugal are labeled as "gay". i am not. repeat: i am not gay. i have nothing wrong with homosexuals and their obscene ways, as long as i am not bothered or asked to take part in their ritualistic ceremonies. i believe that every man should execute his god given free will, and if a man prefers to lie with another man, then so be it; i prefer women, they're much less hairy. recently i have found EBay, to be the pride of my life. i am proud to call myself a bargain shopper, and EBay is my alley of bargain hunting. as Teddy Roosevelt hunted big game in Africa, i poach for great savings on EBay. recently i have gotten a sickness, and i have trouble refraining from buying quality denim (among other things) on this EBay. i recently won a pair of jeans, which after i had finished the bidding, decided i didnt want. the jeans retail for around $200, and i won them for around $25, but i decided that they just were not right for me. i have often been labeled as "sheistier than a Jew", for a can squeeze my way out of any sticky monetary situation. this is true, in fact, and recently i displayed such Jew-like cunning on EBay. i go by the name VRCOUNS, my opponent, JJKRENTS. i kindly asked my foe if the denim had ever been washed, the following is a detailed display of the emails which transpired after i decided i did not want the denim jeans i had won:

Dear vrcouns,

They have been washed, but not by me (I bought them used on eBay myself). The color is a faded dark indigo, the pictures are pretty accurate. I will let you out of this, if you don't want the jeans, though I will be charged for the listing.
- jjkrents

jjkrents--Hello- How did you make this mistake? Your bid has been there for several days if I'm not mistaken, and now the auction is over. Please clarify so I can consider, thanks

Dear jjkrents,

i did not realize that these jeans are lowcut and i don't think they will fit me correctly. please can i not purchase these jeans at this time. my sister passed away last night and i do not think I'm in a fit state to worry about a pair of jeans fitting. if at all passable, can i not purchase these jeans from you at this time.

thanks,

vrcouns

Dear vrcouns,

Hi- Of course, don't worry about the jeans or the auction. Sorry for your loss.
- jjkrents

Dear jjkrents,

thank you so much for your kindness, it is greatly appreciated. i am sorry, but i just do not feel able to worry about such trivial things now as a pair of pants. if in any way i can help you ( good feedback etc.) after my situation becomes a bit better, i will do whatever i can. once again, thank you for being so understanding.

sincerely,

vrcouns

an in depth analysis of this period in my shopping career will accompany this posting in the near future. for now, here is an accurate recreation of the EBay posting:

--A.P.C. mint selvage dark indigo straight leg jeans. I bought these on eBay, tried them on in my living room once, and found that they don't fit me like I'd hoped.
The actual measurement: W31-L28.5, the rise 11 inches, the thigh 12 inches, the leg opening 7.5 inches.
The condition: the pair is in great condition and the denim is raw heavy dark indigo denim. Redline selvedges, the low rise 5 button fly. the style is classic straight leg. A.P.C. dark indigo denim straight leg jeans! A great dark indigo straight jean, which is unfortunately too small for me these days.

... another digression:an oldey but a goodey...

In the past few years, I have skimmed article after article, reading exploits of different dieticians and doctors. It has become very clear it’s time for me to experiment with these foods, recommended over and over again by people from every corner of the medical and nutritional communities. These people rarely agree on much, Id say they contradict each other 9 times out of ten, but when I find them all promoting a food I’m not eating, a behavior I’m not trying, I have to at least give it a try.
I have known for a while the benefits of fish, but I can no longer ignore their advice about little fishes. Why? These foods are loaded with Omega 3 fatty acids, calcium, and protein. They’re the cheapest open water fish you can get your hands on, and while they are still stocked in convenience stores, they count as one of the healthiest “fast foods” you can hope to find on the open road. Read the labels on the cans, and you see they are also one of the few ready-to-eat proteins that are not loaded with the sorts of preservatives a delicate flower like me (probably a petunia) can’t tolerate.
So, I’ll start with a can of sardines. I have never even looked inside a can of sardines. I have never studied cans of sardines on the shelves of my supermarket, but skim right over this whole canned meat section of the store. Today I paid attention and found… mind numbing choices. I can choose sardines packed in olive oil, fish oil, salsa, mustard. There are several brands and options. I do what I usually do, and opt for the cheapest, yet most impressive packaging and brand name. “King Oscar of Norway” graces the neat red package I’ve selected. He’s got an expression that embraces both angst and tenderness. He has epaulets, he must be important. These are two good reasons to eat his sardines. Another is the copy on the back of the package:
“King Oscar Brisling, the world’s smallest, most delicate sardines, are taken from the pure, icy fjords of Norway. They are then lightly smoked in oak wood ovens and hand-packed in a variety of natural oils, spring water and flavorful sauces.”
Pure icy fjords? Oak wood ovens? Hand-packed? Natural oils? I’m transfixed by a country, a people, a sweet sounding body of water, whose name rolls off your tongue with relative ease; all these things that I’ve never seen or met or imagined. These sardines must be good. They have to be. How could a package carry words like this, if it were not true? The Norwegians? I have never met one, yet I know they are not terribly ironic. Not known for irony, bless them. However, they do eat lutefisk. Maybe I went wrong in choosing a Norwegian type fish. I need to temper my expectations against this people’s idea of a seafood delicacy. The ingredient list: sardines, olive oil, salt. This is straightforward. I understand the ingredient list. That is a good start.
Okay, I can see this package meets my every need. It grabs my imagination and satisfies my concern over intimidating food processing. Now, all I have to do is pay my fee, and then, eat up. At the register I was taken aback. I was expecting these small fish to be less expensive than $2.25, but maybe King Oliver has something tasty up his sleeve. Boy, I hope he does.
And there it is. I must summon the courage to open the can, and put something new, a new animal, into my mouth. I am a fairly adventurous eater, so I can’t explain why this feels so difficult for me. I have asked around: What are sardines like? What do they taste like? How do they feel in your mouth? Are there bones? Is the head there? Do you eat the bones? And I got remarkably little information from long-time sardine eaters. “They’re pretty fishy,” people say.
Fishy? They’re fish. Why wouldn’t they be fishy? This is non-information.
It is very often that I am at a lack of knowledge, and stuck in an intellectual pothole. So, when I don’t have a clue what to do or what to expect, I run to the Internet. Google rarely lets me down. Rarely? Almost never. But in this case, I’m afraid, there is little to be had on how to eat sardines. Clearly no one thinks it’s important to explain how to eat sardines. Who doesn’t know how to eat sardines?
It turns out I am the only one. I remove the outer package with grouchy old King Oscar on it and see this groovy flat can. I open it, and I swear to you, I gasped. I couldn’t help it. I cooed.
I’ve seen images of cans of sardines, enough to know that I will find lots of little fishes packed in like… like sardines. What I don’t expect is how pretty these little fish are.
They’re beautiful, bright silver fishes. They look precious, like jewelry. Like coins. No heads, but the tails are partially there. They’ve been gutted. I can’t tell if the bones are in them or not. Man, they’re so pretty. They smell like tuna, and are bathed in olive oil. They remind me very much of the minnows I used to catch for fishing bait in the creeks where I grew up. These sardines are beefy minnows without their heads, bright, bright silver. There must be 6 or so. I check the can. One little can is one serving. 130 calories. I’m hungry. Okay. A fork. I can choose a real fork, a smaller salad fork, or the smallest little forks we have which I always use but my parents get angered because the tiny fork somehow makes me juvenile and inappropriate. But I recollect that according to my mother these tiny forks are designed for escargot and small crabs and such. That fork is surely the most fitting for my endeavor. It seems the right thing to do, no?. I can’t imagine mushing or breaking up these little silver baubles in any way.
I select one out of the can, let the oil drip off. It’s very tender. Never one to cower whilst tasting food, I pop the whole thing in my mouth. It’s very soft. I can’t detect bones, can’t even detect the tail and skin, yet I know is there. It’s less intense a flavor than tuna, not nearly so salty. A nice oily fishy flavor. Not nearly so strong a scent as the low tide in Cape Cod. Not nearly as mild as a hunk of haddock. Only slightly stronger than salmon, frankly. It’s the smallness of the nearly whole fish in my mouth that takes me a minute to get over. All I can think of is those minnows I used to catch in my hands from my minnow net as a young child. I expect these little fish to wriggle.
They never do.
I ate the whole can. Happily. Where have these sardines been all my life? A new food is a rare thing for me. A new food so readily available at even the most primitive of food shops is a real bonus. A food I can sneak into back packs and as an emergency backup ration for when I haven’t planned my food well for the day is a find. A can of sardines is the perfect thing. The perfect number of calories, the perfect food.

... a digression...

Once in a rare while a company, most likely one run by Asians, creates a product which has a name which is completely, and utterly misleading. Here, this pen seems to be quite normal: it writes, it most likely has a ball point and ink, and it has a sexy, ergonomic-type grip on it. Great. Wrong! Some dumb Asian, who thought he could create an apt title for a pen... well, he couldn't do it. "X-TEND", what the hell does this mean, it's not even a word in English. OK, OK, I'll cut him a break, it sounds like our word "Extend", so lets see, does it? Hell no! One may try, and try some more, but in this case, persist ency does not pay off. I am much smarter than the average man, and I could not figure out how to make this pen extend; I'm damn sure an average street walker could not extend this pen either. Wow, it unscrews, and all five parts can be interchanged with other shitty "X-TEND" pens. No thank you! The Asian man who created the moniker for this pen was probably the same man who writes things like " Thisa soya sauce makea fo a vera nice tase on rice an chicken an much more of you mos delctable dish" on the back of soy sauce bottles. He understands English. My ass. The name of this pen is quite bothersome to me because some Asian guy gave it a misleading name which made me contemplate suicide when I could not figure out how to extend the damn pen.

Return of The Jews

One would suppose that after such events as the Exile from the Holy Land, all the way up to the Holocaust, the Jews would be... rather, they shouldn't be. It is truly marvelous (in the most literal meaning) that such a people still are around to terrorize the Earth. But they're still here, so in the name of fairness, one must only comment. There is a Jew, a highly prolific one at that, but he, being a Jew, would not have it any other way; this man goes by the Name of Spielberg. We cannot be sure if his first name is actually "Steven", because it is a known fact that Jews use American names simply to assimilate into society, making it easier for them to take our money; this on the account that they do their deceitful crafts in a much more incognito type fashion. Spielberg is a master of this, Forbes has assessed his films to have grossed more than $8 billion, and they claim his net worth is over $3 billion. That's a billion, with a "b". That's a 3 with nine zeros after it. W,OOO,OOO,OOO.W! There is nothing that can be done about this, he is a Jew and he is bound to have money. But, how did Spielberg make his billions? This Answer does not come so easily, even to the most educated of people, the solution is hard to formulate. For most of the top scholars (myself being an authority on this matter as well), he made his fortune via the Holocaust. It is highly debated, but for every true scholar it is clear that the Holocaust never happened to the extent which the Jews claim. They use conniving tactics in order to get sympathy, and in some cases a free country (Israel and parts of America too). Spielberg fabricated many of the events in this World War 2 era in order to display a world in which Jews were brutally and mercilessly rounded up and slaughtered by the Germans. History has proven that these events are false, and that the Jews left Europe on their own account. If any people were in fact killed by the Germans, surely it would have been the Gypsies, but due to their elusive lifestyles, it is hard to document if even they were killed. Enough digression, Spielberg did something more horrific than even the events in his film, he exploited his own people as well as the youth and old of the entire world, in order to make money. Though the Jews are people who do not deserve to exist any longer, it is horrific when on of them exploits his entire people in the name of millions of dollars. These actions are deplorable. Today Spielberg is the richest man in Hollywood, and dammit (and him) to Hell, it is wrong. It is not right for a person to exploit his kin, but when a Jew does it, it is always for money. Spielberg did this in 1993 when he released Schindler's List, and it is wrong. Only a Jew would do such a despicable thing...

Damn Dirty Jews

For the longest time it has been known that the Jews have complete control over Hollywood, and possibly the entire media industry. This phenomenon started in the early 1900's with the creation of the film industry. Though he was an undeniable racist, early filmmaker, D. W. Griffith, was in fact Jewish. For people who choose to judge by acknowledging sweeping generalizations, the name "Griffith" has no bearing, and said people may disregard this information because the name "Griffith" is not stereotypically "Jewish sounding", but there is an aura of secrecy surrounding Griffith's birth. Much like Jesus Christ, nobody is exactly sure who Griffiths biological parents were ( nobody is exactly sure who Jesus's children are, and how many he had, but it is said that he had an estimated 17 children. This is information is supported by an in-depth study conducted at the University of Vienna.) . From the previously stated research, it was found that Griffith was, in fact, a descendant of the Christ line. Though he was raised by a Southern Colonel and his wife, close relatives say that he was actually found in a manger (Just like Jesus) , and quickly adopted by the Griffith's due to his likeness to Jesus. No matter how much pain it may cause, it is imposable to overlook the fact that Jesus was Jewish, and Griffith, being a direct descendant of Jesus, must be Jewish as well. Though he may have shown outward hatred towards individuals unlike himself and his Southern comrades (Jews, Blacks, Comunists, and Gypsies being his main targets), Griffith did not realize that he was, in fact, a dirty Jew. From this point on, Jews began to infiltrate Hollywood and the media industry because they had enough money to buy all of the businesses and they speculated it would be highly influential.